No love from the Internet

I heard someone say this…only I took it too far, I love too deep, too hard. To the point I die a little with each disappointment. I am so proud of my heart to still be beating…after the beating it’s taken, rejection is so hard, why don’t I give up? Run from love, why do I run to it like a moth with suicidal tendencies to a flame ?

I hate being a loveaholic. I crave kisses and handholding. I am the poster child for PDA. I want the world to celebrate with me. It’s so sad…I’ve been on lots of first dates…

Okay I’m involved in something here…I’m not sure how to describe it. I’m feeling happy. He seems happy…Then suddenly before I can breathe, it’s over.

Finished, he has escaped. I have a certain meal I fix. I call it the death meal…fried squash, cube-steak with gravy, rice, okra and tomatoes, cornbread and mandarin orange pie, every time I fix it…the relationship ends, strange huh? They all rave about what a great cook I am…then they disappear. I can’t explain it. I can not understand. Please do not think I poison them. I ritually eat all the leftovers hoping they were poisonous but they never are. The last guy I dated threw his fork across the room and swore, “damn it! I was hoping you couldn’t cook. I can’t find one thing about you that I don’t like…and I don’t want to like you!” I sat there stunned as he said, “I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest. I’m no good to myself or anyone else. I will never love anybody ever again.” I was stunned. “I thought you were looking for the love on that dating site we met on.”
He ran his fingers thru his red hair and said, “sex, I love sex and I was looking for sex.”
I stood up from the table and asked him to please leave. He did. I was so disappointed. He seemed like exactly what I had convinced myself I had wanted. I walked over and locked the door then went back to the table to finish dinner. I sat there in silence, no tears came.

After I finished doing the dishes and putting up the food I heard my iPhone alert me that I had a message. It simply read, “all men say what women want to hear, to get laid. If it’s love u r looking 4 u better steer of those dating sites. I’ve had sex with 38 women who were looking for love on those sites. If you had not have had a man at your house I would have pursued you. I’m really persistent and usually get what I want.”
I sat down, then I jumped up got my gun and checked my house. There was no one there. Then it dawned on me, I had left the radio on in my bathroom.
I’ve got to let God be the one to bring me a good man. I’ve got to be still. I have removed myself from all dating sites, even the Christian ones. Better to be safe than sorry. Yes I know your aunt met your uncle on one, or your cousin met her husband…my experience not so grand.